My heart is so heavy. You read about it in books and listen to therapists tell you that eating disorders kill, but you don’t believe it. You never think it will happen to someone you know and you definitely never think it will take your life. But is does and it can. My heart sinks each time I read of someone passing, but this time I feel like I’ve had the wind knocked out of me.
There is a unique bond that happens in treatment. It is indescribable and the bond forms whether you want it to or not. When I entered the Carolina House, my focus was on leaving as quickly as possible. I never imagined the impression the people and that place would forever leave on my heart. It was my fellow ‘recovery warriors’ that touched me the most. They gave me the greatest gift in teaching me that I was not alone. We shared tears, laughter and pastel painted rooms. We lifted each other up and day by day we learned to find joy in life again. And even though most of us part ways post-treatment, our time and journey together link us forever.
Since my discharge and the birth of Southern Smash, many fellow CH ladies have friended and messaged me. Most of them I have never met, but I know who they are and they know me. We are Carolina House. We are the extraordinary sisterhood that resides in the yellow house in the quiet North Carolina woods. We are proud of who we are and remind each other daily that we are not alone in this battle. That disordered does not mean damaged, it means we are stronger for accepting our struggles and deciding the fight the good fight each and every day. It doesn’t matter if you were the first patient to walk through the threshold or you just admitted yesterday, you are my sister. You are not alone. I believe in you. We all believe in you.
And to our sister who left us yesterday…may you finally find freedom in the stars and rest in peace always.