0

Five Years Later: Finding Light in Cancer’s Hollow

Wednesday, May 27, 2015 “Your daughter has cancer.” What happened next I do not know. My world stopped. My heart shattered into a million pieces… and the hollow crept in. Five years ago today, my life came to a screeching halt as cancer came crashing in. In the early morning hours after Marjorie’s cancer diagnosis, I awoke on the hospital’s stiff pleather couch, tears rolling down my face. I vividly dreamt the day before was just a nightmare that I…

Continue Reading →

3

Unplanning Death

Death is never a pleasant subject. I have never handled death well and it seems to be knocking at my proverbial door more than ever. Not in an ominous/grim reaper way, but as a reminder of past suffering. The aftermath of Marjorie’s early birth and cancer, resulted in PTSD that manifested in massive anxiety about what horrible thing was next to happen. This was evident every time I got behind the wheel. My mind would constantly create and play out…

Continue Reading →

1

How Our Marriage has Weathered Life’s [Many] Storms

Thirteen years ago Jordan and I said “I do” on February 2, 2007. We promised to be faithful in good times and in bad. And Marjorie's hospitalization last week was another stark reminder of just how good we’ve gotten at weathering the bad. Life has thrown us our fair share of curveballs. And on our lucky thirteen I thought I would share how we've managed to survive the storms together and find joy in the ordinary.…

Continue Reading →

7

Prayers for Marjorie [Round 3]

Tuesday, January 28, 2020 What a day! Forty-eight hours ago, my girl lay practically lifeless in a PICU bed connected to every machine available. Her breathing was dependent on a mask that covered her whole face and kept me from giving her a million kisses a minute. After another very restful night, Marjorie woke up excited daddy brought her a bow from home. She was eager to get out of bed and color and do a puzzle on daddy’s lap!…

Continue Reading →

1

Two Years Gone: Lessons in Grief & Guilt

January 14, 2018, the day my best friend died. This second year in grief marked a big change for me. The waves weren’t as violent and life wasn’t as hard. Life went on and so did I. It goes without saying, she is on my mind and in my heart every minute. I still spend my days wondering what she would say to a funny thing Manning or Marjorie said. Or what she would say about my latest work adventure.…

Continue Reading →

0

When the [RECOVERY] Jeans Don’t Fit

Are you more inclined to purchase one jean brand over another because the size is smaller? That is certainly how I used to shop. My worth as a human being was tied into the size of my clothes and the number on the scale. The smaller the number, the more worth I carried as a human being. I was smarter, faster, better if my size was smaller than the next person. WHY? Or better yet WHEN did size become a predictor of…

Continue Reading →

5

I AM BRAVE! Marjorie’s Story

How do you tell your child they had cancer? How do you explain the magnitude of their first year of life? You don’t. Well you do...when the time is right. Today we had our yearly oncology appointment. I drag my heels making this appointment I dread it. This year I got a sinking feeling, not that cancer had returned (that lives in the back of your mind), but that Marjorie would ask me WHY?…

Continue Reading →

4

Finding Stillness and Gratitude In a Heart Attack

If there is one thing I've learned in my journey with Marjorie, it is that life can change in the blink of an eye. No matter how much we plan or perfectly color code our calendars, life happens. And with adversity comes miracles. My family and I are counting our blessings extra this Thanksgiving as we received a miracle that could only be written by God Himself...…

Continue Reading →

1

The Scale that Almost Divided Us

Something happened yesterday that jarred me… As I unwrapped and loaded scales in boxes for our Alliance for Eating Disorders NOT ONE MORE walk in Orlando, Jordan came over and tossed a scale on the ground. He is a lighthearted, joking guy and was going to step on the scale. I immediately grabbed it from him. It wasn’t about him weighing himself. He could careless and I don’t care if he does, but not with these scales and definitely not…

Continue Reading →