They say grief comes to us in all shapes and sizes, in every life shift there is loss. Loss of a loved one, a job, a relationship, a friendship, a home, a pet…even the loss of who we used to be. I am finding that recovery comes with much grief, more than I could have ever anticipated. My whole life was wrapped up in my distorted and disordered world. Every experience, moment and relationship were defined and dictated by my…
Why did I recover? What made me so special over others who continue to struggle with their eating disorders? How did I keep on my path of recovery after treatment, while so many of my friends sunk back into the darkness of their disorders? Why me? These questions incessantly repeated themselves in my mind last year. My critical/ED voice would always chime in and say the reason I was doing well was because I was “never that bad.” As usual,…
Today is a popular day for hurricanes. As a Louisiana girl, I have become accustomed to these beasts of Mother Nature. Hurricane Katrina battered my beloved bayou seven years ago today and now Hurricane Isaac is beating down as I type. But these ferocious storms do not hold a candle to the force of nature that is my mother. Today is my amazing ‘Momma’s’ 2nd 30th birthday. My momma is a feisty one…like really feisty. She is a strong, southern…
Inspiration and motivation comes to us in all shapes and sizes. Sometimes those with the least life experience can teach and remind us what is really important in life. My dear Tink fluttered into my life when I needed her most. Unbeknownst to her, she has played a pivotal role in my recovery journey. She is unable to comprehend the impact she has had on me, but I hope one day she will come to understand just how much she…
Tonight I cooked and ate dinner. For most, this feat is nothing to write home about. But for me, on this particular night, this dinner warrants serious accolades. My sweet husband is out of town so it has been up to me to take care of not just the baby, but myself as well. My husband has been my number one supporter on my recovery journey. He has truly been my rock and on the rough days I really lean…
I’m at a loss. I want to write. I want to blog. But I have this fear that since my secret blog was ‘outed,’ nothing I write now will be good enough. I started this blog to simply write when I felt compelled…not to compel myself to write. I certainly feel the urge to write, but my inner critic keeps deleting every word I type. The voice says, “That is silly,” “That makes no sense,” “People will laugh at this,”…
Throughout my life I have let exterior things define me. Whether it was appearance, grades, sorority, jobs or sports, I relied on something else to shape that who I was. Recovery has taught me to define my authentic self with, well…just me. This is not to say the other activities and things are not in my life, they are simply a part of me, but they no longer solely define me. During a three-hour lunch/therapy session on Friday with a…
I woke up this morning feeling a bit naked. No one knew this blog existed until yesterday. After sharing my blog with my friend, she asked me if she could post it on her Facebook. I agreed (after a bottle of wine)…and then with one click my story and soul was out there for all of FaceBook to see…YIKES. I am always willing and open to share my story, but putting it out there in such a way scared me…
Do you remember that one moment in time that forever altered your life? I vividly remember mine. However, that prolific moment did not just alter my life…it saved my life. In the early morning hours of Saturday, July 11, 2009, I told a new friend my secret. A secret not even my husband knew of. I revealed that behind the shadows of my smile, I was suffering from a life threatening eating disorder. I confessed that every waking moment of my life was consumed…
A letter written to an incredible friend I met in residential treatment. She is currently back in treatment, fighting for recovery once again…and this time she will win. My dearest friend, Never give up. You must recover. You do not have a choice. You will die. And even if you survive…if you give up on this treatment, your life will be mediocre at best. I say this because I love you. Because I was you. I did not get it.…