Detoxing from a Weekend Binge
Here is what my former eating disordered life looked like: Monday-Thursday: restrict, calorie rules, weighing in 20-40 times per day, diet pills, low fat, no fat, sugar free, fat free Friday-Saturday: Dinner and going out with friends, events, Mardi Gras balls, football games, excessive drinking and eating Sunday: Close the blinds, self-loath, binge, purge, more self-hate […]
The Anatomy of Recovery: From Purging to Professional Visits
February 9, 2011 Up and down. Up and down. One step at a time, then two. I raced up and down the stairs unpacking my bags into my new hotel home. It was my first night on partial. My first night away from the Carolina House. I felt so free. After two months in a […]
Cancer Prayers & Mental Illness Murmurs
No matter how many activities I packed into today, time seemed to stand still. My heart raced and my mind was dizzy. I have been to yoga, taken kids to a bouncy house park and lunch and the quiet still creeps up on me. It is always there in the back of my head. The […]
Heading Back to Treatment
Yesterday, in between work emails and changing diapers, I received a text message that stopped me dead in my tracks: “I’m being admitted Thursday at 10:30…relieved but scared.” An admission date and time was finally bestowed upon a sweet young woman I’ve been helping. Reading her text brought back those same emotions I felt on when I […]
Why a New Year Does Not Mean a New You
So there I was in 2010, feeling like a loser who had failed at life. My hands held knitting needles instead of a champagne glass (FYI: learning to knit is like a rite of passage in treatment). Instead of partying with friends, someone was supervising my trips to the bathroom. Rather than kissing my husband at midnight, I was going to sleep in a twin bed alone.
2015: Shitting Rainbows
shitting rainbows It’s my favorite saying. If you’ve ever heard me speak about my journey to recovery and life thereafter then you’ve heard me say it plenty. Unless there were teachers in the room, then I try to clean up my act for school kiddies. So what does it mean? Exactly what you think. My […]
Why I Hate Group Exercise
You know the scenario: you tell yourself today is the day you are going to try that new yoga, cycling or group fitness class. You pick your outfit and tell yourself you are going. Then your mind starts racing: What if I am the worst one? The fattest? Everyone will stare at me because I am […]
Twinsies: Eating Disorders & Cancer
As I sit here today on my five year recovery anniversary, I’m suddenly hit with how similar the questions are and the commonalities between cancer and eating disorders. They are both cruel and relentless diseases. They take lives too young and have greatly impacted my life and my family’s.
My Birthday Wish to Disappear
12.07.2010 “…happy birthday dear McCall. Happy birthday to you.” As the birthday song ended, I leaned over and blew out the candles teetering atop the chocolate cake. I smiled and made a wish just like a good girl should. But on this particular birthday five years ago, my wish was drastically different than previous years. I […]
Your Fire is Calling. Answer It.
“What do you want to be, McCall? Where is that fire inside telling you to go?” I was 18-years old and just weeks away from starting college. My mom and I were driving to orientation and talking about my future. It was one of those moments and conversations I will forever remember. I wanted nothing […]