For the Love of Hollis
I sit at my desk this morning unable to work. My mind is cluttered with the C-word once again. c a n c e r Last week, a dear island friend and cancer warrior once again heard the c-word fall from her doctor’s lips. Lesions in her brain. At least three weeks of daily radiation […]
Detoxing from a Weekend Binge
Here is what my former eating disordered life looked like: Monday-Thursday: restrict, calorie rules, weighing in 20-40 times per day, diet pills, low fat, no fat, sugar free, fat free Friday-Saturday: Dinner and going out with friends, events, Mardi Gras balls, football games, excessive drinking and eating Sunday: Close the blinds, self-loath, binge, purge, more self-hate […]
A Prisoner Of My Own Mind: Inside My Eating Disorder
Have you ever wondered what it is like to have an EATING DISORDER? What it is like to live with a horrific mental illness that no one seems to understand, an illness that is often misdiagnosed, swept under the rug or hidden behind plastic smiles? I lived in that prison for fifteen years. Thankfully, I […]
The Phone Call
Today, I experienced one of those full circle moments in life that takes your breath away. For the past two days, I attended an eating disorder conference and saw many, many friends some of whom I haven’t seen since Marjorie was born. I received numerous hugs, arm squeezes and sympathetic head nods. I loved and […]
To My Son: Please Grow Up
As parents we are all guilty of saying, “Stop growing. You are my baby” or using the hashtag #timeslowdown. And I get it. I am right there with you. I seem to have blinked my eyes and my precious baby boy is turning four. FOUR! I just know that I am going to wake up […]
The Anatomy of Recovery: From Purging to Professional Visits
February 9, 2011 Up and down. Up and down. One step at a time, then two. I raced up and down the stairs unpacking my bags into my new hotel home. It was my first night on partial. My first night away from the Carolina House. I felt so free. After two months in a […]
Celebrating Our Best-Worst Day
Today, Jordan and I celebrate nine incredible years of marriage. Nine years ago, if you would have told me that our marriage was going to endure eating disorder treatment, job shifts, multi-state moves, premature birth and cancer, my jaw would have dropped, I would have taken an extra swig of champagne and continued down that aisle […]
Embracing Post Scan Sadness
Today, as I waited on pins and needles for our oncology doctor to call with results, one memory kept playing over and over in my mind. I was a week or so into treatment at the Carolina House, sitting across from my new therapist, Christy. I was working hard to choke back tears and finally muttered: […]
Supermom Kryptonite
When Manning was 20-months old, I sent him to school dressed in a smocked turkey longall for what I thought were fall pictures. They were Christmas pictures. I laughed and hash tagged it up to a #MOMFAIL, which every other mom quickly empathized with. We’ve all been there. I’ve made a million mistakes since my fall picture […]
Cancer Prayers & Mental Illness Murmurs
No matter how many activities I packed into today, time seemed to stand still. My heart raced and my mind was dizzy. I have been to yoga, taken kids to a bouncy house park and lunch and the quiet still creeps up on me. It is always there in the back of my head. The […]