Letting Go
Salt water waves crashed down behind us as we began to countdown… 3…2…1… Manning and Marjorie squealed as the bright yellow balloons lifted into the air. Tears quietly crept down my face as the photographer, Amy, captured this sweet moment for my family. We released balloons to celebrate Marjorie’s clean scans, but to also mark […]
Marjorie’s Day
Jordan and I have been talking a lot lately about what we want to do Friday. How do we mark and, moreover, celebrate Marjorie’s one year diagnosis? We’ve tossed out ideas from having friends over to just going about our day. How does one mark what was once the worst day of his or her […]
Dented, Not Damaged
The week that forever changed our lives is upon us. Last night, I posted a picture saying, “The week Jordan and I have been dreading is here.” I received many comments to celebrate and rejoice. I realize ‘dread’ is a strong word, but it describes much of what my heart feels. Of course, there is […]
Praying for Death
“I went to mass twice this week, praying for God to heal one and to take another.” The words of my father-in-law pierced through heart. Gary is a man of quiet faith, but certainly not quiet in nature. His bold personality can light up a room and leave everyone in stitches. He prayed this week […]
Here She Comes
I have two words: Cancer. Free. Nearly one year ago I began asking for prayers again and then posting the C Word. Our lives were shattered on Wednesday, May 27, 2015. Then today on Tuesday, May 2, 2016, our lives were pulled back together. Back and forth. Up and down. We have ridden this wave […]
Scan Purgatory
It happens every time. The wait. The anxiety. The nerves. The quiet understanding between Jordan and me as we wait for our baby girl’s scan results. Will the cancer be gone? Will it have metastasized? Will it be the same? Marjorie’s previous two scans showed stability, meaning the cancer did not spread, but it also […]
In the Blink of an Eye
I knew this photo was coming and today it popped up. One year. I vividly remember this day. It was the day I looked out at the ocean with my family and thought, “We made it.” We survived nearly three months in the NICU and extreme reclusiveness during flu season. The weather was warm and Marjorie was […]
Why I Thank God for My Eating Disorder
The buttered bagel sat on my car’s console. I stared at it with tears streaming down my face. The tears had nothing to do with the bagel and everything to do with life. My baby girl was heading back to the hospital. I was once again reminded that cancer is part of our world and […]
When the Dress Doesn’t Fit
The bad florescent lights flickered in the grey colored dressing room. The Dillard’s dressing room resembled my mental state: depressed, anxious and grey. I squatted onto the cheap carpet with tears streaming down my face. Another dress, another disappointment. fat, gross, huge, ugly…unworthy It was prom. I was in the depths of my eating disorder […]
Carolina: Forever & Always In My Mind
December 2010 “McCall, breathe with me. Breathe in 2…3…4…out…2…3…4” I could hear the words being spoken to me, but couldn’t catch my breath. I sobbed and shook uncontrollably, my body curled tightly in a ball on the stiff therapy couch. I was in treatment and having my first panic/anxiety/emotional tidal wave attack. Without my eating disorder […]