Eleven Years Later and Still Recovering
Today marks eleven years in eating disorder recovery for me. December 14, 2010, I walked through the doors of residential treatment scared, hopeless and willing to do anything to build a life worth living. Last night in our Alliance Monday night support group, we discussed “Is full recovery possible?” Cliff notes: YES IT IS. AND…it […]
Two Years Gone: Lessons in Grief & Guilt
January 14, 2018, the day my best friend died. This second year in grief marked a big change for me. The waves weren’t as violent and life wasn’t as hard. Life went on and so did I. It goes without saying, she is on my mind and in my heart every minute. I still spend […]
The Scale that Almost Divided Us
Something happened yesterday that jarred me… As I unwrapped and loaded scales in boxes for our Alliance for Eating Disorders NOT ONE MORE walk in Orlando, Jordan came over and tossed a scale on the ground. He is a lighthearted, joking guy and was going to step on the scale. I immediately grabbed it from […]
One Year Gone: Lessons in Grief
My eyes opened well before the sun rose, knowing what today was. My heart ached that same ache I have been experiencing for the last 365 days. A distinct void that will never be filled. I lie in bed and suddenly felt the need to see the sunrise. I threw on my clothes and drove […]
When Grief, Cancer and Life Collide
I knew today was going to be tough – returning to GaGa’s house for the first time. Little did I know today would put me to the ultimate grief and trauma test. Mom, Marjorie and I drove to GaGa’s home. I felt good, but nervous. I entered her home through her back door and immediately […]
Where I Finally Found Peace In My Best Friend’s Death
I’ve always been curious about cemeteries. I think it’s human nature. They always seemed so peaceful to me, but I was so afraid of them, always shuddering at their perfect mix of death, serenity and beauty. When I was in grade school and middle school, I spent every weekend at GaGa’s house. Literally, every weekend. […]
Scheduling Grief
“Do you think you could carve out 20-minutes a day to grieve?” I looked up at my therapist after her suggestion and quickly replied, “Nope. I’ll pass, thanks though.” It has become apparent that I have gone from intense grief to completely driving the denial bus. I haven’t shed a tear or grieved in weeks […]
Because Not Even Jesus Could Do It All
This working mom thing has been kicking my ass lately. I do my best to manage my foundation, mentoring folks in recovery, while also taking care ofmy family, pets (because that struggle is real) and the house. On the days that end in ‘y’, I feel pulled in a thousand directions, never completing one task […]
Six Weeks Gone
Yesterday marked six weeks since my best friend passed. It feels like yesterday and a lifetime all rolled together. She is on my mind and heart nonstop. Some days are easier than others, but the wound still runs deep. I am discovering that grief is like a silent ninja that attacks out of nowhere. Just […]
Reversing Roles
When I was little, I would sit in GaGa’s rocking chair, cuddling up as close as I could next to her. Everyone called me her velcro baby. Gaga would scratch my back and stroke my hair while I curled up next to her. When I no longer fit in her chair, I would sit at […]