My precious peanut, You’re FIVE! How did that happen? I seemed to have blinked and you’ve grown into a sprouting and sprightly girl before my eyes. Your birthday was not what I ever imagined and each year on this day my heart soars with happiness and gratitude while also aching with longing for what should have been. I said on repeat as I lay in the hospital bed, “Today is not your birthday!” But after two weeks of praying, the…
This week I was thrilled to create and write the feature essay for the Today Parent’s newest “Challenge”. My idea was to challenge moms across the country to embrace their ‘mom bods’ and tell us why the love them. The amazing Parent editor Terri Peters loved it so I created the Why I Love My Mom Bod Challenge with three goals in mind: Get mothers thinking about insecurities that possibly hold them back from being fully present with their children…
My wonderful friends at Eating Recovery Center reached out to me last month, asking to feature me an Eating Recovery Day writer. The task was simple: write a #myrecoveryletter. I was touched they thought of me and began to wonder who I would write my letter to. My initial ‘easy’ thoughts soon turned to writers block and, of course, procrastination. I have countless people and moments deserving of a recovery letter. How do I just pick one? But when it boils down…
My eyes opened well before the sun rose, knowing what today was. My heart ached that same ache I have been experiencing for the last 365 days. A distinct void that will never be filled. I lie in bed and suddenly felt the need to see the sunrise. I threw on my clothes and drove the three minutes to the beach. As I walked passed the dunes and saw the expansive beach unfold before my eyes, I laughed. It was…
I have been feeling heavier than ever these past few weeks. My anxiety high and emotional fuse short. I knew this time of year would be hard – my first holiday in grief, but I had no idea just how much the heaviness would weigh me down. My grief has manifested in an array of emotions. And, like most people, I find it 10,000 times easier to lean the other way rather into the hurt. I have spent much of…
Eight years. Eight years of recovery. Eight years of falling (and getting back up). Eight years of life slapping me in the face. Eight years of choosing recovery over and over…and over. On this day eight years ago, I was faced with a decision: admit to treatment and choose recovery or fly home and continue suffering from my debilitating and life threatening eating disorder. I chose recovery. I chose to walk through the Carolina House doors. But that decision did…
Maybe it is because her house is empty or maybe because it is Christmas, maybe it is because President George H. W. Bush’s funeral is all over the news or maybe it is because my birthday is tomorrow or maybe because it is another day that ends in ‘Y’… Lately, I have been missing her more than ever. My heart feels broken all over again. I recently realized that I will not hear her voice on my birthday. There will…
The oncology number flashed up and I almost dropped my phone trying to answer it. “Hello…hello?” I said. “Hi, Mrs. Dempsey, this is Katie from Nemours. I’m calling with test results.” “Yes, yes. Go ahead.” “Dr. Sandler reviewed Marjorie’s ultrasound and said everything looks good.” I exhaled, taking my first breath since answering the phone. “Thank you so much. Blood, urine…everything okay? You’re sure? Everything is normal? Good?” “Yes m’am,” the nurse kindly replied. “Okay, thank you so much,” I…
This blog has always been a place of comfort and my personal way of therapeutic processing. Through my eating disorder recovery, Marjorie’s early birth and of course, Marjorie’s cancer. It is only fitting that on this day, I find myself back here, trying to process the surge of emotions bubbling inside. Ever since I heard Marjorie’s oncology doctor say, “Last scan” at our appointment three weeks ago, I’ve been dreaming of writing about the relief that would come with finally…