Finding Your Mary and Christy
A moment of silence requested, but the air was anything but silent. The heartache and sobs pierced my cold ears. A mother whaling cry was too much. I turned my head upward and gazed upon our nation’s capitol building. She wore a green shirt. She lost her baby to an eating disorder and that is not fair. […]
Your Fire is Calling. Answer It.
“What do you want to be, McCall? Where is that fire inside telling you to go?” I was 18-years old and just weeks away from starting college. My mom and I were driving to orientation and talking about my future. It was one of those moments and conversations I will forever remember. I wanted nothing […]
May’s Voice
Sometimes I wonder what I am doing and why I was put on this earth. It is a big question to ponder. On a daily basis, I feel a fire and urge in my soul to be kind and help others. I want to scream from the mountains that we all deserve a life free from […]
Taking Off the Mom Hat
This morning I found myself sitting on my new back porch, warm cup of coffee and listening to the morning silence around me. The sun danced off the moss draped trees behind our house and I found myself full of gratitude. My spirit is renewed and my cup is refilled after spending a week doing […]
Tears of Strength, Cries of Bravery
‘My daughter has cancer’ is a sentence I will never get used to saying outline, nor do I want to. Today, I had to tell that to a stranger in the grocery store when she asked about Marjorie’s PICC line. “My daughter has cancer.” Her simple question was one of the hardest I’ve ever had to […]
Compassionate Pizza
I hate the saying: “There’s always someone who has it worse.” It completely minimizes the feelings we have inside about our current situation, no matter how ‘bad’ or ‘not so bad’ it may be. Minimization kept me from seeking treatment for years and it kept me from owning the severity of my eating disorder. “I’m not that […]
The Best Body Cleanse
My husband called me today to say his afternoon lesson cancelled. “Let’s take the kids to the beach today,” he said on the phone. I excitedly agreed and started gathering beach (and baby) essentials: swim trunks, towels, diapers, bottles, sunscreen and of course MY bathing suit. As I grabbed my bikini from the drawer and […]
Lost and Found
Yesterday, I took my daughter to church for the first time to see (or rather to sleep through) her sweet friend’s baptism. At the party afterwards I found myself choking back tears as I watched family friends parading Marjorie around. We were out of the house and doing something normal. I was finally able to […]
Gaining My Groove Back
Today I went on a run. A seemingly simple sunset run, but my mind started turning as soon as my feet hit the pavement. Since exercise addiction was a big part of my eating disorder, my ability to move my body without the pressure of ‘burning this’ or ‘losing that’ still astounds me. Every day […]
Pro Choice: Choosing Life in the Darkness
Small choices. Tiny decisions. Day by day. This is recovery. Recovery is not perfect. It is not a straight line. Recovery does not happen overnight. It happens when you decide to get out of bed and get dressed, even though your depression is so gruesome it hurts. It happens when you decide to eat your snack, […]