When You Don’t Fit the PTSD Mold
I just discovered today is National PTSD Awareness Day. I thought I would take a minute and remind everyone that PTSD (like any other disorder) does not black and white criteria or checklist. You do not have to fit perfectly into the diagnostic box to struggle. a well-defined black and white box. Recently, I have […]
Eleven Years Later and Still Recovering
Today marks eleven years in eating disorder recovery for me. December 14, 2010, I walked through the doors of residential treatment scared, hopeless and willing to do anything to build a life worth living. Last night in our Alliance Monday night support group, we discussed “Is full recovery possible?” Cliff notes: YES IT IS. AND…it […]
Doing the Hard Things: My Prophylactic Double Mastectomy
‘Twas the Night Before Surgery // Wednesday, January 6, 2021 Tick. Tock. Tick. Tock. My eyes were glued to my watch – T-Minus 24-hours. Each passing minute another 60-seconds closer to my prophylactic double mastectomy, my thoughts clouded with future scenarios. “This time tomorrow… I’ll be in surgery…I’ll be out of surgery…I’ll be in post […]
Roadmap to LIFE: Countdown to Surgery
The purple pen dotted my sternum, top to bottom, side to side. In a small mirror leaning on the counter in front of me, I watched as the doctor’s hand moved across my chest. I felt numb. Dot…dot…dot…line…line…. My gaze went from the small, handheld mirror holding my reflection to the blank ceiling above not […]
When Your Therapist Says ‘Tell Me More’ – Don’t Run
After months of barely floating above water, I am finally finding my footing on life’s uneven shores. Last week I had a therapy session, and as much as I adore my therapist, I was simply not ‘in the mood’ to go. The appointment was at 2pm and I was having a really productive day in […]
Unplanning Death
Death is never a pleasant subject. I have never handled death well and it seems to be knocking at my proverbial door more than ever. Not in an ominous/grim reaper way, but as a reminder of past suffering. The aftermath of Marjorie’s early birth and cancer, resulted in PTSD that manifested in massive anxiety about […]
When the [RECOVERY] Jeans Don’t Fit
Are you more inclined to purchase one jean brand over another because the size is smaller?
That is certainly how I used to shop. My worth as a human being was tied into the size of my clothes and the number on the scale. The smaller the number, the more worth I carried as a human being.
I was smarter, faster, better if my size was smaller than the next person.
WHY? Or better yet WHEN did size become a predictor of worth in our lives?
Seven SMASHing Years Later
Today, Southern Smash turns seven!
I often get asked, “How did you start Southern Smash? How did you make it what it is today?”
The answer is simple:
I have no idea.
Well, I have *some* idea. It all started with a promise I made eight years ago…
The Scale that Almost Divided Us
Something happened yesterday that jarred me… As I unwrapped and loaded scales in boxes for our Alliance for Eating Disorders NOT ONE MORE walk in Orlando, Jordan came over and tossed a scale on the ground. He is a lighthearted, joking guy and was going to step on the scale. I immediately grabbed it from […]
One Year Gone: Lessons in Grief
My eyes opened well before the sun rose, knowing what today was. My heart ached that same ache I have been experiencing for the last 365 days. A distinct void that will never be filled. I lie in bed and suddenly felt the need to see the sunrise. I threw on my clothes and drove […]