Smashing It Forward
Three years ago today, I loaded my car up with scales, sledgehammers, painted signs and a dream. A dream to pay it forward, a dream to fulfill a promise I made to those who had helped me on my journey to recovery. As eager as I was, I was completely aware of the path I […]
Your Fire is Calling. Answer It.
“What do you want to be, McCall? Where is that fire inside telling you to go?” I was 18-years old and just weeks away from starting college. My mom and I were driving to orientation and talking about my future. It was one of those moments and conversations I will forever remember. I wanted nothing […]
May’s Voice
Sometimes I wonder what I am doing and why I was put on this earth. It is a big question to ponder. On a daily basis, I feel a fire and urge in my soul to be kind and help others. I want to scream from the mountains that we all deserve a life free from […]
Cancer: Month One
One month. On this very day one month ago, our lives changed forever. The doctor said the word no parent ever wants to hear. Cancer. It has been a month of terror, love, heartache and gratitude. It’s hard to believe it has only been a month. My tired body and mind would disagree. It feels like we […]
The Best Body Cleanse
My husband called me today to say his afternoon lesson cancelled. “Let’s take the kids to the beach today,” he said on the phone. I excitedly agreed and started gathering beach (and baby) essentials: swim trunks, towels, diapers, bottles, sunscreen and of course MY bathing suit. As I grabbed my bikini from the drawer and […]
Lost and Found
Yesterday, I took my daughter to church for the first time to see (or rather to sleep through) her sweet friend’s baptism. At the party afterwards I found myself choking back tears as I watched family friends parading Marjorie around. We were out of the house and doing something normal. I was finally able to […]
Pro Choice: Choosing Life in the Darkness
Small choices. Tiny decisions. Day by day. This is recovery. Recovery is not perfect. It is not a straight line. Recovery does not happen overnight. It happens when you decide to get out of bed and get dressed, even though your depression is so gruesome it hurts. It happens when you decide to eat your snack, […]
Smashing the Pregnancy Scale
Tap…Tap…Tap…Tap… The weight kept jolting further and further to the right. Higher and higher. My anxiety raised in parallel unison with the climb of the scale’s number. (Oh, you thought I was immune from scales because I smash them for a living? Not so much.) The nurse silently wrote down a number and I followed […]
Rubber Food SmackDown
I often write about people and professionals who have greatly impacted my recovery journey, but there has been one professional category that I have yet to write about. The Nutritionist. (Insert negative ‘Dun-dun-dun’ music here.) Nutritionists get the worst rap out of anyone on the ED Treatment team. Not to mention, they also own various pieces […]
Hope Out of the Trash
The Barnes & Noble cashier gave me a soft smile as she checked out my book. I immediately began to sweat profusely. “Oh no,” I thought to myself, “She knows I have an eating disorder and that I see a therapist. She thinks I’m weird and crazy.” Yes, because I bought a book about eating […]