The Scanxiety Dance
This blog has always been a place of comfort and my personal way of therapeutic processing. Through my eating disorder recovery, Marjorie’s early birth and of course, Marjorie’s cancer. It is only fitting that on this day, I find myself back here, trying to process the surge of emotions bubbling inside. Ever since I heard […]
When Grief, Cancer and Life Collide
I knew today was going to be tough – returning to GaGa’s house for the first time. Little did I know today would put me to the ultimate grief and trauma test. Mom, Marjorie and I drove to GaGa’s home. I felt good, but nervous. I entered her home through her back door and immediately […]
2017: Imperfectly Perfecting the Art of Letting Go
The end of the year has become synonymous with Instagram’s ‘Top Nine’. Your Top nine most liked photos of the year. It is a fun and quick way for a year in review. I, being the social media nerd that I am, do it every year. As usual, my Top Nine popped up some of […]
Dancing Through the Dark
I haven’t been sleeping much lately. A combination of moving stress and the time of year. The dreaded day is quickly approaching and my Facebook Time Hop has been a daily reminder. It is hard to believe that this Saturday, May 27, will mark two years since our Marjorie was diagnosed with cancer. Two years. […]
The Final Elf on the Shelf
I had my first holiday break down this week. The shopping, the cards, work piling up, kids home from school…it all got to me. I resorted to wrapping presents until early morning hours to calm my frazzled nerves. I thought wrapping the mountain of gifts would make the stress go away. Nope. I woke up […]
Letting Go
Salt water waves crashed down behind us as we began to countdown… 3…2…1… Manning and Marjorie squealed as the bright yellow balloons lifted into the air. Tears quietly crept down my face as the photographer, Amy, captured this sweet moment for my family. We released balloons to celebrate Marjorie’s clean scans, but to also mark […]
Dented, Not Damaged
The week that forever changed our lives is upon us. Last night, I posted a picture saying, “The week Jordan and I have been dreading is here.” I received many comments to celebrate and rejoice. I realize ‘dread’ is a strong word, but it describes much of what my heart feels. Of course, there is […]
Scan Purgatory
It happens every time. The wait. The anxiety. The nerves. The quiet understanding between Jordan and me as we wait for our baby girl’s scan results. Will the cancer be gone? Will it have metastasized? Will it be the same? Marjorie’s previous two scans showed stability, meaning the cancer did not spread, but it also […]
In the Blink of an Eye
I knew this photo was coming and today it popped up. One year. I vividly remember this day. It was the day I looked out at the ocean with my family and thought, “We made it.” We survived nearly three months in the NICU and extreme reclusiveness during flu season. The weather was warm and Marjorie was […]
Why I Thank God for My Eating Disorder
The buttered bagel sat on my car’s console. I stared at it with tears streaming down my face. The tears had nothing to do with the bagel and everything to do with life. My baby girl was heading back to the hospital. I was once again reminded that cancer is part of our world and […]