Carolina: Forever & Always In My Mind
December 2010 “McCall, breathe with me. Breathe in 2…3…4…out…2…3…4” I could hear the words being spoken to me, but couldn’t catch my breath. I sobbed and shook uncontrollably, my body curled tightly in a ball on the stiff therapy couch. I was in treatment and having my first panic/anxiety/emotional tidal wave attack. Without my eating disorder […]
For the Love of Hollis
I sit at my desk this morning unable to work. My mind is cluttered with the C-word once again. c a n c e r Last week, a dear island friend and cancer warrior once again heard the c-word fall from her doctor’s lips. Lesions in her brain. At least three weeks of daily radiation […]
The Phone Call
Today, I experienced one of those full circle moments in life that takes your breath away. For the past two days, I attended an eating disorder conference and saw many, many friends some of whom I haven’t seen since Marjorie was born. I received numerous hugs, arm squeezes and sympathetic head nods. I loved and […]
Cancer Prayers & Mental Illness Murmurs
No matter how many activities I packed into today, time seemed to stand still. My heart raced and my mind was dizzy. I have been to yoga, taken kids to a bouncy house park and lunch and the quiet still creeps up on me. It is always there in the back of my head. The […]
Welcome to the Club, We Don’t Want You
Wednesday, May 27, 2015 Our nurse leaned over Marjorie’s hospital crib and placed her stethoscope on Marjorie’s sick and distended belly. My eyes fell to the multiple bright rubber bracelets wrapped around the neck of her stethescope. Words like “Warrior” “Fighter” “Army” followed by a child’s name were imprinted on each band. I knew those […]
It’s Not a Tumor
Marjorie fell over backwards multiple times yesterday, just out of no where. Of course, my back was to her and it could have been because our bulldog knocked her down or because she simply lost her balance trying to reach a toy. But here is where my new Cancer Mom Brain kicks in: “Marjorie has […]
2015: Shitting Rainbows
shitting rainbows It’s my favorite saying. If you’ve ever heard me speak about my journey to recovery and life thereafter then you’ve heard me say it plenty. Unless there were teachers in the room, then I try to clean up my act for school kiddies. So what does it mean? Exactly what you think. My […]
Facing Ghosts
Today I earned a new piece of flare to pin on my Mom Vest. The “My Son Projectile Vomited All Over Me” is now proudly sewn on my vest. Awesome. Poor little guy is sick. Thankfully, not with a stomach bug, but with a horrendous cough that led to the previously mentioned situation. I did […]
Twinsies: Eating Disorders & Cancer
As I sit here today on my five year recovery anniversary, I’m suddenly hit with how similar the questions are and the commonalities between cancer and eating disorders. They are both cruel and relentless diseases. They take lives too young and have greatly impacted my life and my family’s.
Muddling Through Grief
Grief is a funny thing. One minute you are doing laundry and paying bills, the next you are in a puddle of tears, frozen from the rest of the day’s to dos. I always thought grief was strictly assigned to the death of a loved one. It wasn’t until my eating disorder recovery I realized […]