When You Don’t Look Like You Have an Eating Disorder
I looked the part and played the part well: All-American southern belle.
Make up on, dressed to perfection, made the grades, had the friends, and yet behind it all…
I was dying.
Why I Thank God for My Eating Disorder
The buttered bagel sat on my car’s console. I stared at it with tears streaming down my face. The tears had nothing to do with the bagel and everything to do with life. My baby girl was heading back to the hospital. I was once again reminded that cancer is part of our world and […]
A Prisoner Of My Own Mind: Inside My Eating Disorder
Have you ever wondered what it is like to have an EATING DISORDER? What it is like to live with a horrific mental illness that no one seems to understand, an illness that is often misdiagnosed, swept under the rug or hidden behind plastic smiles? I lived in that prison for fifteen years. Thankfully, I […]
Twinsies: Eating Disorders & Cancer
As I sit here today on my five year recovery anniversary, I’m suddenly hit with how similar the questions are and the commonalities between cancer and eating disorders. They are both cruel and relentless diseases. They take lives too young and have greatly impacted my life and my family’s.
Baby Bump Bliss & Eating Disorder Recovery
I am 22 weeks pregnant. Unlike my other mommy-to-be friends I have this little thing called an Eating Disorder to contend with, but I have been strong in recovery for almost a year and symptom free for over eight months. My husband and I planned on waiting a few more months before trying for a […]
Eleven Years Later and Still Recovering
Today marks eleven years in eating disorder recovery for me. December 14, 2010, I walked through the doors of residential treatment scared, hopeless and willing to do anything to build a life worth living. Last night in our Alliance Monday night support group, we discussed “Is full recovery possible?” Cliff notes: YES IT IS. AND…it […]
Finding ME Again.
Some days it feels like the first six months of 2021 never happened. The countless needles, IVs, meds, PICC lines, surgeries feel like a distant nightmare. I was in survival mode. Other days, I sit with anxiety pounding my chest *knowing* the infection is back or something else will be wrong. I’ve avoided writing, feeling […]
The House Don’t Fall When My Bones are Good
My therapy session started off the way all hard sessions do. Me: “I’m doing great.” Therapist: “That is wonderful.” Me: “Yes. I finally feel good physically and we had a great spring break trip with the kids. I haven’t been sleeping well. But other than that little issue things are great.” My therapist began asking […]
The Weight of Recovery
Yesterday I tried putting on a real bra – not like an actual bra with an underwire, that would just be absurd. (I stand firmly in the Athleisure Pandemic trend – no wires, no buttons) I attempted to put on a real sports bra and it did not go over so well. Literally. It did […]
Doing the Hard Things: My Prophylactic Double Mastectomy
‘Twas the Night Before Surgery // Wednesday, January 6, 2021 Tick. Tock. Tick. Tock. My eyes were glued to my watch – T-Minus 24-hours. Each passing minute another 60-seconds closer to my prophylactic double mastectomy, my thoughts clouded with future scenarios. “This time tomorrow… I’ll be in surgery…I’ll be out of surgery…I’ll be in post […]