Rocking my baby in a dark, quiet room on the Oncology Floor at Wolfson Children’s Hospital. If it weren’t for the monitor beeps and seven wires attached to her, I would think we were home. I find my thoughts wandering in these dark quiet hours… How did we get here? Why does my child, my baby, have cancer? Why is my baby fighting for her life…again? Why? Why? Why? I rarely have tears these days. Just knots in my stomach and bags under my eyes. The “Whys” only haunt me in these quiet hours, which have been rare. But the haunting whys are no longer those filled with anger and rage. I have discovered such a peace in my heart about it all. I know God didn’t give Marjorie cancer or choose to have her come three months early. I think these things happen because that is part of life. Last week I was so angry with God and I certainly did not feel guilty about it. As the reality of this journey has sunk in, my anger has subsided. I still wonder why, but there is a peace in my heart about it all. I believe God does not make bad things happen. He, instead, gives us faith, hope and love to help us overcome and survive these gloomier days. He gives us these quiet hours of love and connection to heal our aching hearts and remind us of what is really important in life. My heart was at such peace tonight as my baby girl rested her tired head on my chest. She was not hurting or crying. It had been so long since we had rocked without pain or tears. She cooed and hummed while we rock back and forth, back and forth. God did not make her sick, but rather He gave us this quiet time tonight to let us know our love will conquer all, even the big C-Word. Now these three remain: faith, hope, and love. But the greatest of these is love. 1 Corinthians 13:13 
Love Conquers All
Laura S Prescott
June 7, 2015 at 9:48 pmAbsolutely McCall!!! LOVE, LOVE, LOVE this post!!!! I am praying for peace for you and comfort for your baby girl. I too am battling cancer and those two things are the most important things that help me get through each day!!! Know you both are thought about, prayed for and loved!! ????????????????????????
rachel2982
June 7, 2015 at 9:58 pmPraying for you and your sweet girl <3
rachel2982
June 7, 2015 at 9:58 pmPraying for you and your beautiful girl <3
Kimberly Driggers
June 7, 2015 at 9:59 pmSo beautifully said! Such a powerful reminder….
asarbenz
June 7, 2015 at 10:02 pmPrayers for you and Marjorie on this night. It’s crazy how fast our lives can change, we never no what before us and I believe that’s a good thing or we could not enjoy those quiet moments that we hold so dearly to us. Such as rocking your sweet baby! I pray for Marjorie tonight that she may continue to become stronger and fight this C word. I also pray for continued peace for you and your family!
Judy Sigalas
June 7, 2015 at 10:19 pmMarjorie is so very lucky to have you as her mother. I have no idea how you have endured all you have been through and still have this positive attitude. You are truly amazing. Pray Marjorie will be well very soon.
Megan
June 7, 2015 at 10:32 pmyour words are so encouraging to me as I struggle with my own “hard.” praying for the little one 🙂
Anh Ignacio
June 7, 2015 at 11:20 pmI am familiar with the sounds of the Oncology unit at night with my mother so I can understand a little of what you are going through. It broke my heart when I first read about Marjorie… It is so not fair and so cruel. I once read that God does not give us a cross we cannot bear, so the bigger the cross the bigger our spirit is. I have no doubt of your magnificent spirit, McCall. And that, along with all the love surrounding Miraculous Marjorie, will help you both through.
Sending more prayers, good energy and love your way!
katesandor
June 8, 2015 at 2:24 amMcCall, you don’t know me but I ran across your posts about your sweet girl via a friends Facebook page. I am a NICU mom too, my 23 weeker came home last month, and my heart aches for you. Everyday in the elevator on the way to the NICU floor I would ask God to walk with me through whatever was going to hit me that day. I thought often of the story about the “footprints in the sand” and the idea that He carries you through the darkest parts of life. I hope you know He is there to carry you when you don’t think you can go on. You have hundreds of people praying for your little one, people you don’t even know. Your strength is an inspiration as is that of Marjorie. You can do this.
Tamara Dayton
June 8, 2015 at 5:25 amBeautifully said.
Harriet Jones
June 8, 2015 at 6:19 amWe are constantly lifting you and your sweet Marjorie up in healing prayers… Psalm 91????
Shirley Marino Dauzat
June 8, 2015 at 9:54 amYou are so courageous and inspiring. Marjorie is so lucky to have you as her Mother; and she’ll be there to hold you when you are older and need her love. God loves both of you so much.
Shirley Dauzat
June 8, 2015 at 10:03 amSent from my iPad
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anorexiarevealed
June 8, 2015 at 3:30 pmprayers for you and Marjorie xoxo
Cathy Walker
July 9, 2015 at 8:19 amAgain in my prayers Mccall. You and Marjorie are in my thoughts and prayers several times a day. Wish I could take over and rock her for you. You are everything God looked for in a mother for Manning and Marjorie. I know that when he finished making you he said “well done “. Love you all.
momofmanykids
July 10, 2015 at 1:22 amSorrow is something that comes in waves, I have learned. After losing my baby boy 3 months ago I have gone through times of anger, saddness, and intense pain and then, moments of unexplainable peace. I believe that God sends that peace to give our aching hearts and exhausted mind and body a rest. I’m so glad that you are open to the spirit and have the ability to feel that peace. It will build you and strengthen you for the next wave. You, your faith, with the tender mercies and strength from Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ, have made it through many hard things already. You, with the Lord filling in the gaps, will make it through hard things once again! Thank you for your courage and example! You have helped me in my recovery already and again I find strength to press on by reading your words tonight. You inspire many! Hugs and prayers to you and family.