To My Peanut On Your Fifth Birthday

My precious peanut,

You’re FIVE! How did that happen? I seemed to have blinked and you’ve grown into a sprouting and sprightly girl before my eyes.

Your birthday was not what I ever imagined and each year on this day my heart soars with happiness and gratitude while also aching with longing for what should have been.

I said on repeat as I lay in the hospital bed, “Today is not your birthday!”

But after two weeks of praying, the doctor said it is time…and what was not supposed to be your birthday suddenly was.

I did not get to hold you or touch you and my eyes only gazed on you for a mere second before nurses whisked you away.

I would later come to know the birth routine of incoming NICU babies. The calm and collected rush of nurses moving in chaotic rhythm bringing another tiny baby back to life with tubes and machines.

I only have one photo of you from that day, taken by your Annie just so I could see my baby girl on her birth day.

I would finally hold you in my arms a few days later, but our touch was made complicated with wires and tubes. However, leave it to sweet nurse, MaMa Lisa, to make it the most magical moment.

Sixty-eight days later you were all mine. Welcomed home, finally meeting your big brother. It was far from the meeting I had planned while buying pink balloons to announce you were a girl.

I dreamed of you and me wrapped together in a hospital bed, you wrapped in a pink blanket made by your namesake. In my dream you were hours old as your big brother walked into the room to meet you, his precious baby sister.

As I have learned time and time again, life usually doesn’t usually work out as we had planned. But when it is all said and done what was not meant to be, suddenly seems as though it was written in the stars. On this fifth birthday, your birth story seems fitting for the fiesty girl you have become.

So on your fifth birthday, I will hold you a little tighter, linger at bed time a little longer and thank God for every precious moment we’ve had and look to the future for countless more.

And for you my darling peanut,

may you never stop skipping, singing and dancing. Lord knows that is how you came into this world!

May your love for life (and sushi) never fade and beautiful sparkle always shine brightly.

May you always embrace your messy curls as they are certainly your spirit personified.

May you never apologize for being too much…too loud, too sensitive, too bossy assertive.

May you forever know your inner strength and harness that fighting spirit to change the world.

May you surround yourself with people that help your light to shine brighter and not those who try to dull your flame.

May you share with others, treating all others with kindness and love.

May you never stop learning and exploring the world around you with that twinkle in your eye.

And above all else, my precious Marjorie, may you forever and always know just how very loved you are. To the moon and back, my darling. Always.

You are forever and always my baby girl.

Love,

Your momma

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