It’s been quite some time since my last post. As usual, life got in the way and time just rushed by. However, in the past that has not been the norm for me. Life constantly revolved around my eating disorder and when I looked back my months were strung together with moments of isolation and unhealthy behaviors…and I often could not remember most of my days. Today, I look back and realize my life has been filled simply with..well…life. My life. I’ve had weddings, work, holidays, my birthday and even Christmas and New Years…all enjoyed in recovery for the very first time.
While my ED symptoms, urges and behaviors lie far in my past I am still working through the grief that comes with a lifetime of loss to this illness. I’m not going to lie. I have hard days…and they hit me out of the blue. But I deal with them in healthy ways because I have the skills and also because I choose to do so. I think it is important to realize that we do not choose our eating disorders, but we can choose to RECOVER! I don’t think we give ourselves enough credit for choosing recovery. I know I am guilty of it. I choose recovery in ways big and small every day…whether it is ripping a nutrition label off, choosing not to look at a tabloid with the latest diet secret or simply choosing to rest when my body is tired…I decide to do all of those things. And with each decision comes more strength over my ED…which is a feeling that never gets old.