Heading Back to Treatment
Yesterday, in between work emails and changing diapers, I received a text message that stopped me dead in my tracks: “I’m being admitted Thursday at 10:30…relieved but scared.” An admission date and time was finally bestowed upon a sweet young woman I’ve been helping. Reading her text brought back those same emotions I felt on when I […]
Why a New Year Does Not Mean a New You
So there I was in 2010, feeling like a loser who had failed at life. My hands held knitting needles instead of a champagne glass (FYI: learning to knit is like a rite of passage in treatment). Instead of partying with friends, someone was supervising my trips to the bathroom. Rather than kissing my husband at midnight, I was going to sleep in a twin bed alone.
Why I Hate Group Exercise
You know the scenario: you tell yourself today is the day you are going to try that new yoga, cycling or group fitness class. You pick your outfit and tell yourself you are going. Then your mind starts racing: What if I am the worst one? The fattest? Everyone will stare at me because I am […]
Twinsies: Eating Disorders & Cancer
As I sit here today on my five year recovery anniversary, I’m suddenly hit with how similar the questions are and the commonalities between cancer and eating disorders. They are both cruel and relentless diseases. They take lives too young and have greatly impacted my life and my family’s.
Finding Your Mary and Christy
A moment of silence requested, but the air was anything but silent. The heartache and sobs pierced my cold ears. A mother whaling cry was too much. I turned my head upward and gazed upon our nation’s capitol building. She wore a green shirt. She lost her baby to an eating disorder and that is not fair. […]
To My Fellow Anxious Momma
To my dearest friend and fellow anxious mom: I hear you. I feel your anxiety about leaving your babies for the first time. I’m right there with you. You should be thrilled for this vacation and adult getaway, but instead you are riddled with anxiety about the one day of water activities. Rather than find joy […]
The Best Body Cleanse
My husband called me today to say his afternoon lesson cancelled. “Let’s take the kids to the beach today,” he said on the phone. I excitedly agreed and started gathering beach (and baby) essentials: swim trunks, towels, diapers, bottles, sunscreen and of course MY bathing suit. As I grabbed my bikini from the drawer and […]
Gaining My Groove Back
Today I went on a run. A seemingly simple sunset run, but my mind started turning as soon as my feet hit the pavement. Since exercise addiction was a big part of my eating disorder, my ability to move my body without the pressure of ‘burning this’ or ‘losing that’ still astounds me. Every day […]
Four Years: Finding Rainbows in the Storm
December 14, 2010, a day that forever changed my life and ultimately prepared me for what life had in store. Fours years ago I would have never guessed that my eating disorder would be the greatest gift in what would ultimately become the most traumatic time in my life. This year my world suddenly and drastically changed on […]
Smashing the Pregnancy Scale
Tap…Tap…Tap…Tap… The weight kept jolting further and further to the right. Higher and higher. My anxiety raised in parallel unison with the climb of the scale’s number. (Oh, you thought I was immune from scales because I smash them for a living? Not so much.) The nurse silently wrote down a number and I followed […]