On Being Still
Weekends in treatment were slow…and I mean sloooooow. It was so frustrating to have so much downtime in our schedule. We should be ‘working’ and ‘doing’, marking things off our imaginary Recovery To Do list. Having an empty day meant I was being unproductive and lazy. As it turns out, down time at the Carolina House was […]
Heading Back to Treatment
Yesterday, in between work emails and changing diapers, I received a text message that stopped me dead in my tracks: “I’m being admitted Thursday at 10:30…relieved but scared.” An admission date and time was finally bestowed upon a sweet young woman I’ve been helping. Reading her text brought back those same emotions I felt on when I […]
Why a New Year Does Not Mean a New You
So there I was in 2010, feeling like a loser who had failed at life. My hands held knitting needles instead of a champagne glass (FYI: learning to knit is like a rite of passage in treatment). Instead of partying with friends, someone was supervising my trips to the bathroom. Rather than kissing my husband at midnight, I was going to sleep in a twin bed alone.
Twinsies: Eating Disorders & Cancer
As I sit here today on my five year recovery anniversary, I’m suddenly hit with how similar the questions are and the commonalities between cancer and eating disorders. They are both cruel and relentless diseases. They take lives too young and have greatly impacted my life and my family’s.
My Birthday Wish to Disappear
12.07.2010 “…happy birthday dear McCall. Happy birthday to you.” As the birthday song ended, I leaned over and blew out the candles teetering atop the chocolate cake. I smiled and made a wish just like a good girl should. But on this particular birthday five years ago, my wish was drastically different than previous years. I […]
Finding Your Mary and Christy
A moment of silence requested, but the air was anything but silent. The heartache and sobs pierced my cold ears. A mother whaling cry was too much. I turned my head upward and gazed upon our nation’s capitol building. She wore a green shirt. She lost her baby to an eating disorder and that is not fair. […]
Your Fire is Calling. Answer It.
“What do you want to be, McCall? Where is that fire inside telling you to go?” I was 18-years old and just weeks away from starting college. My mom and I were driving to orientation and talking about my future. It was one of those moments and conversations I will forever remember. I wanted nothing […]
Discovering the Yogi Within
It is no secret my eating disorder kept me from enjoying life and putting myself out there. I feared failure like most people fear burning to death. So rather than risk not being good enough, I stayed safely inside my comfort zone – and by comfort zone I mean eating disorder. But I don’t think […]
Rubber Food SmackDown
I often write about people and professionals who have greatly impacted my recovery journey, but there has been one professional category that I have yet to write about. The Nutritionist. (Insert negative ‘Dun-dun-dun’ music here.) Nutritionists get the worst rap out of anyone on the ED Treatment team. Not to mention, they also own various pieces […]
Loving My Body in the Grey
(My Guest Blog post on Love Our Bodies, Love Ourselves) Body image. The elusive positive body image that your treatment team constantly chatters about. Sure it would be nice to love your body, but let’s be real here, the notion of loving your body after spending years hating it is frankly insane. Love my body? […]