Feeling Fat on International Women’s Day
Today is International Women’s Day. And I feel fat. Gasp. How could McCall Manning Dempsey, a positive body image speaker, feel fat? Oh the horror! Well, folks. We all have our days. But here is the difference. I know that fat isn’t a feeling and that when I start thinking and having anxiety about my […]
Leaping Once Again
My current state of mind is similar to that of six years ago when I leaping from treatment back out into the ‘real’ world… Journal entry (2.23.2016) “I am feeling lots of things. I am worried about work. I am kind of angry. I want to cry. I want to fall apart. I want to […]
Ten Years Later: Love & Laughter Reign
For the last ten years, February 2nd has been a bittersweet day for me. While I wish our wedding day, conjured feelings of love and joy, my heart pulls the opposite way. My day was lost stolen by my eating disorder. This is a notion not many can understand or relate to, even my own […]
Life Lessons from the Norovirus
It was adding up to be a perfect night: the hubs was out of town, the kids were bathed and starting to rub their eyes and this momma had her eye on a nice cup of tea and a new book. Okay, why lie, all I wanted was a glass of wine, my jammies and […]
The Final Elf on the Shelf
I had my first holiday break down this week. The shopping, the cards, work piling up, kids home from school…it all got to me. I resorted to wrapping presents until early morning hours to calm my frazzled nerves. I thought wrapping the mountain of gifts would make the stress go away. Nope. I woke up […]
Comparison: The Thief of Recovery
Today, December 14, marks six years in recovery for me. I’ll say that again…SIX freaking YEARS. It seems so hard to believe because it feels like yesterday I walked stumbled through the Carolina House doors. I walked through hopeless, broken and tired. I no longer had the energy to fight the monster in my head, much […]
In the Blink of an Eye
I knew this photo was coming and today it popped up. One year. I vividly remember this day. It was the day I looked out at the ocean with my family and thought, “We made it.” We survived nearly three months in the NICU and extreme reclusiveness during flu season. The weather was warm and Marjorie was […]
Detoxing from a Weekend Binge
Here is what my former eating disordered life looked like: Monday-Thursday: restrict, calorie rules, weighing in 20-40 times per day, diet pills, low fat, no fat, sugar free, fat free Friday-Saturday: Dinner and going out with friends, events, Mardi Gras balls, football games, excessive drinking and eating Sunday: Close the blinds, self-loath, binge, purge, more self-hate […]
Heading Back to Treatment
Yesterday, in between work emails and changing diapers, I received a text message that stopped me dead in my tracks: “I’m being admitted Thursday at 10:30…relieved but scared.” An admission date and time was finally bestowed upon a sweet young woman I’ve been helping. Reading her text brought back those same emotions I felt on when I […]
Knocking On Heaven’s Door
My earliest memories are of my grandmother, Gaga, and me walking the beach, searching for shells and making sand castles. They are my fondest memories, forever imprinted in my mind and held close to my heart. Gaga is 92 and while I always tell people she ‘is kicking and doing great’ that isn’t the whole truth. Yes, given […]