I am HERE.
P!nk’s “I am HERE” has always been one of my go to anthems, but today more than ever the line struck me: “I am here, I am here. I’ve already seen the bottom, so there’s nothing to fear.” I’ve seen the bottom. I’ve seen lots of bottoms in my lifetime – and with each bottom […]
The House Don’t Fall When My Bones are Good
My therapy session started off the way all hard sessions do. Me: “I’m doing great.” Therapist: “That is wonderful.” Me: “Yes. I finally feel good physically and we had a great spring break trip with the kids. I haven’t been sleeping well. But other than that little issue things are great.” My therapist began asking […]
The Weight of Recovery
Yesterday I tried putting on a real bra – not like an actual bra with an underwire, that would just be absurd. (I stand firmly in the Athleisure Pandemic trend – no wires, no buttons) I attempted to put on a real sports bra and it did not go over so well. Literally. It did […]
Finding Strength in My One Boob Reflection
My reflection in the mirror is equally hard to see and process. Overnight my breast became a caved in mess of folded skin, sutures and swollen tissue. […] My reflection is not the prettiest it has ever been, but it is definitely the strongest.
Red, Hot and ANGRY Boob
Recovery from this surgery (and any surgery I would venture to guess) is just as much mental as it is physical. My emotions are riding on a huge rollercoaster. Sometimes laughing and feeling myself to suddenly plunging into tears of frustration for not being able to do something or simply from being tired of hurting. […]
Doing the Hard Things: My Prophylactic Double Mastectomy
‘Twas the Night Before Surgery // Wednesday, January 6, 2021 Tick. Tock. Tick. Tock. My eyes were glued to my watch – T-Minus 24-hours. Each passing minute another 60-seconds closer to my prophylactic double mastectomy, my thoughts clouded with future scenarios. “This time tomorrow… I’ll be in surgery…I’ll be out of surgery…I’ll be in post […]
Roadmap to LIFE: Countdown to Surgery
The purple pen dotted my sternum, top to bottom, side to side. In a small mirror leaning on the counter in front of me, I watched as the doctor’s hand moved across my chest. I felt numb. Dot…dot…dot…line…line…. My gaze went from the small, handheld mirror holding my reflection to the blank ceiling above not […]
Ten Years Later and Still Choosing LIFE
December 14, 2010 I woke up alone in a hotel room scared of the day ahead – scared of recovery, scared of the unknown and scared to let go of my eating disorder. In just a few hours I would admit myself to residential treatment at the Carolina House for my eating disorder. In the […]
Save the Nipples: Meeting My Plastic Surgeon
Whether you are getting your yearly OB check, mammogram or plastic surgery consult, standing naked in front of a stranger is not for the faint of heart. This time was no exception. As I stood topless in front of a man I just met, I looked as far away as I could as the plastic […]
When Your Mammogram Isn’t So [Squishy] Funny
I looked around the waiting room, letting the sights, sounds and my reality sink in. Women well over 70-years old bustling around in the same pink robe as me – some waiting for their turn, others finishing their mammograms. I am well aware I am nearing the age of mammograms, but the reality of ‘why’ […]