When I was in middle school my sister and I fought like cats and dogs. Actually, that’s not true. We were worse. Way worse. We fought like two bridezillas at a Vera Wang sample sale. We were vicious. One afternoon my sister and I were verbally abusing each other as we climbed into my mother’s suburban, likely headed to piano, volleyball or another extracurricular activity my mom constantly chauffeured us to. There’s no doubt in my mind we had probably…
I had my first holiday break down this week. The shopping, the cards, work piling up, kids home from school…it all got to me. I resorted to wrapping presents until early morning hours to calm my frazzled nerves. I thought wrapping the mountain of gifts would make the stress go away. Nope. I woke up yesterday with a knot in my stomach. What is it with this time of year? What was wrong with me? Why couldn’t I just be…
Today, December 14, marks six years in recovery for me. I’ll say that again…SIX freaking YEARS. It seems so hard to believe because it feels like yesterday I walked stumbled through the Carolina House doors. I walked through hopeless, broken and tired. I no longer had the energy to fight the monster in my head, much less pretend like I had it all together. I wanted out. Out of my disorder, out of life. But somewhere, deep, deep, deep down, I…
Tomorrow, December 7, is my birthday. However, I will not be with my family and friends. Rather, I will be surrounded with love, pain, joy, sadness, hope and courage. I will spend my birthday with the brave men and women at Castlewood Treatment Center in St. Louis, Missouri. I truly cannot think of anywhere else I would rather be. Growing up, I often heard my family and friends say, “Oh, McCall, stop being so sensitive”. I tried my best to not ‘be…
I did not vote for you. I cried when I checked my phone at 3a.m. My heart hurts. Nonetheless, our great country is built on democracy. We must accept these results and move forward with hope, love and kindness. I will be honest, I am not (nor have I ever been) a politically junkie. I rarely read long political articles. Economics is a foreign language to me. I slept through those classes in college where widgets, supply and demand reigned supreme. What…
Cancer, prayer requests, pediatric cancer, GoFundMe pages, accidents, untimely death. Facebook is often filled with such heartache. I’ve almost become immuned to seeing tragedy between the political rants and the latest Rodan + Fields product. What I will NEVER adjust to seeing is another life lost to an eating disorder, a TREATABLE illness that does not receive the coverage or research dollars it warrants. My heart always sinks at these posts – “Gone to soon” “You were so beautiful” “Love…
Three hours. Three hours was all it took for the feelings to surface and the tears to flow. Three hours and a phone call from my mom. Last week my time in Raleigh consisted of ten talks, two Southern Smash events and two treatment center visits. When it was all over, I was DONE. Think about the most painful time in your life – your darkest days. Now put yourself back in that moment and tell that story to an…
To my dearest daughter on your second birthday, I wish I could look back on this day with loving memories and joy. But I can’t. Your birth date was one of the most difficult days of my life. I will never forget the sounds and sterile surroundings of the OR room. Your daddy sat behind my head, resting his face next to mine and holding my hands that stretched out on the cold steel table. When Dr. Glas finally pulled…
Last week I laid in bed next to my husband. We just turned our lamps off and I rolled onto his shoulder and said, “I am so happy. We are so blessed. How did we get so lucky?” “I don’t know,” he said, “Life is so good. Good night baby.” He kissed my head and we drifted to sleep. Except my sleep stopped a few hours later. I awoke with tears streaming down my face and thoughts racing out of…
I hate September. I haven’t always hated September. It wasn’t until last year that I really started to loathe the month. Sure, I hate summer ending, but it wasn’t about swimsuit season coming to an end. It was about all of the gold. So much gold. All for pediatric cancer. I wanted to delete, unfollow and pass up any opportunity to spread awareness. Last year, I wrote about embracing the gold label. I talked about finding peace with it, but…