Hurricane Homesickness
The outer bands of Hurricane Hermine are pounding down on our metal roof as I write. We are soaking up (and charging up) our remaining hours before the inevitable power outage. Our refrigerator is stocked with water, milk and (let’s be honest) wine. Our pantry is also stocked with the essentials: bread, peanut butter, every […]
My Husband Saw Me Naked
[Guest Blog for Jacksonville Mom Blog] Soapy suds ran down my naked body in the shower. I closed my eyes in an attempt at one minute of peace in my whirlwind life as a working mom with two babies. No such luck. “Honey,” my husband yelled as he swung open the bathroom door holding Marjorie. […]
On Being Still
Weekends in treatment were slow…and I mean sloooooow. It was so frustrating to have so much downtime in our schedule. We should be ‘working’ and ‘doing’, marking things off our imaginary Recovery To Do list. Having an empty day meant I was being unproductive and lazy. As it turns out, down time at the Carolina House was […]
Letting Go
Salt water waves crashed down behind us as we began to countdown… 3…2…1… Manning and Marjorie squealed as the bright yellow balloons lifted into the air. Tears quietly crept down my face as the photographer, Amy, captured this sweet moment for my family. We released balloons to celebrate Marjorie’s clean scans, but to also mark […]
Dented, Not Damaged
The week that forever changed our lives is upon us. Last night, I posted a picture saying, “The week Jordan and I have been dreading is here.” I received many comments to celebrate and rejoice. I realize ‘dread’ is a strong word, but it describes much of what my heart feels. Of course, there is […]
Scan Purgatory
It happens every time. The wait. The anxiety. The nerves. The quiet understanding between Jordan and me as we wait for our baby girl’s scan results. Will the cancer be gone? Will it have metastasized? Will it be the same? Marjorie’s previous two scans showed stability, meaning the cancer did not spread, but it also […]
In the Blink of an Eye
I knew this photo was coming and today it popped up. One year. I vividly remember this day. It was the day I looked out at the ocean with my family and thought, “We made it.” We survived nearly three months in the NICU and extreme reclusiveness during flu season. The weather was warm and Marjorie was […]
Why I Thank God for My Eating Disorder
The buttered bagel sat on my car’s console. I stared at it with tears streaming down my face. The tears had nothing to do with the bagel and everything to do with life. My baby girl was heading back to the hospital. I was once again reminded that cancer is part of our world and […]
Carolina: Forever & Always In My Mind
December 2010 “McCall, breathe with me. Breathe in 2…3…4…out…2…3…4” I could hear the words being spoken to me, but couldn’t catch my breath. I sobbed and shook uncontrollably, my body curled tightly in a ball on the stiff therapy couch. I was in treatment and having my first panic/anxiety/emotional tidal wave attack. Without my eating disorder […]
For the Love of Hollis
I sit at my desk this morning unable to work. My mind is cluttered with the C-word once again. c a n c e r Last week, a dear island friend and cancer warrior once again heard the c-word fall from her doctor’s lips. Lesions in her brain. At least three weeks of daily radiation […]