Marjorie fell over backwards multiple times yesterday, just out of no where. Of course, my back was to her and it could have been because our bulldog knocked her down or because she simply lost her balance trying to reach a toy. But here is where my new Cancer Mom Brain kicks in: “Marjorie has a brain tumor.” Fear. Panic. A knot in my stomach. I’m going to throw up. Pre-preemie and pre-cancer, I was a laid back mom. Manning…
Yesterday, in between work emails and changing diapers, I received a text message that stopped me dead in my tracks: “I’m being admitted Thursday at 10:30…relieved but scared.” An admission date and time was finally bestowed upon a sweet young woman I’ve been helping. Reading her text brought back those same emotions I felt on when I admitted to the Carolina House over five years ago. Fear, relief, sadness, excitement. So many emotions, too many to sort through. You just want to get…
My earliest memories are of my grandmother, Gaga, and me walking the beach, searching for shells and making sand castles. They are my fondest memories, forever imprinted in my mind and held close to my heart. Gaga is 92 and while I always tell people she ‘is kicking and doing great’ that isn’t the whole truth. Yes, given her age and her life long love for cigarettes, she is doing pretty great. But she also has many health issues and doesn’t get around…
So there I was in 2010, feeling like a loser who had failed at life. My hands held knitting needles instead of a champagne glass (FYI: learning to knit is like a rite of passage in treatment). Instead of partying with friends, someone was supervising my trips to the bathroom. Rather than kissing my husband at midnight, I was going to sleep in a twin bed alone.…
shitting rainbows It’s my favorite saying. If you’ve ever heard me speak about my journey to recovery and life thereafter then you’ve heard me say it plenty. Unless there were teachers in the room, then I try to clean up my act for school kiddies. So what does it mean? Exactly what you think. My recovery and life is about being authentic and real. It is not about candy coating my story to be anything but what it really is.…
Today I earned a new piece of flare to pin on my Mom Vest. The “My Son Projectile Vomited All Over Me” is now proudly sewn on my vest. Awesome. Poor little guy is sick. Thankfully, not with a stomach bug, but with a horrendous cough that led to the previously mentioned situation. I did what every mother does in these predicaments: I cleaned up the vomit and threw away all towels and items associated with it. Then I called…
You know the scenario: you tell yourself today is the day you are going to try that new yoga, cycling or group fitness class. You pick your outfit and tell yourself you are going. Then your mind starts racing: What if I am the worst one? The fattest? Everyone will stare at me because I am terrible. What if I fart in downward dog? Actually, that is a valid fear. You promise yourself that you will work on your yoga or…
12.07.2010 “…happy birthday dear McCall. Happy birthday to you.” As the birthday song ended, I leaned over and blew out the candles teetering atop the chocolate cake. I smiled and made a wish just like a good girl should. But on this particular birthday five years ago, my wish was drastically different than previous years. I wished to disappear. I was dying inside and just days away from entering treatment. But instead of running, I continued to expend my limited energy to make everyone…
She appears everyday in our living rooms. We sit down, DVR, dance, laugh and of course, cry with her. She is our best friend, our sister. Ellen Degeneres is many things, but the one thing she is not is special. My heart shattered on Wednesday as I watched her show get interrupted once again with breaking news of a mass shooting. Why? Why is there so much evil in the world? Why can’t I have just one hour of the day…