Sometimes I wonder what I am doing and why I was put on this earth. It is a big question to ponder. On a daily basis, I feel a fire and urge in my soul to be kind and help others. I want to scream from the mountains that we all deserve a life free from those thoughts that weigh us down and those critics who shame us. I am not on a mission to save the world or even a…
September is childhood cancer awareness month. A month dedicated to “Going Gold”. Before Marjorie’s diagnosis, I always scrolled past the pictures of tiny cancer patients. My heart broke for them, but the thoughts about what it really meant to be a cancer family never entered my mind. That could never happen to my baby. As the month of September winds down, I find myself in a place of acceptance and peace. Never in a million years did I dream that my…
Today, the matriarch of our family turns 92, just eight years short of a century. Just like century old oaks, Gaga is a pillar of unwavering strength. She is full of beauty and filled with stories that her eyes have seen, but she rarely tells. Gaga is quiet like the oak, soaking in life around her in stoic solitude. And to be honest, she always prefers to watch football and pretend like she can’t hear you. Gaga and I have been inseparable since I…
This morning I found myself sitting on my new back porch, warm cup of coffee and listening to the morning silence around me. The sun danced off the moss draped trees behind our house and I found myself full of gratitude. My spirit is renewed and my cup is refilled after spending a week doing the work I love in a place that is so special to me. The week was packed with speaking events, scale smashes and meetings and…
Yesterday I woke up feeling achy, nauseous and plain old sick. At first, I chalked it up to the extra glass of wine last night while enjoying a quiet movie with Jordan, but as the day wore on I knew wine was not the culprit. It was way worse than a wine headache. I couldn’t figure out why my legs no longer worked, nausea filled my tummy and my mind was so foggy, but then it hit me. I have…
September 1. The day everyone puts gold ribbons on their Facebook profiles. The day you see everyone share pictures of children suffering from childhood cancer. It is a month of awareness. A month where you see a picture, your heart hurts for that child and his or her parents, but you never dream it could be you. Then without warning, you are thrust into the world of childhood cancer, a world of love and empathy, but nonetheless a world and…
Angels are all around us. They walk on Earth beside us and flutter over us as we go through life. Thousands of you have sent your angels to be with my Marjorie during these last few months. Little did I know that Marjorie gained the most amazing angel in June, just days after her second chemo round. Rose Rolfsen flew to heaven on June 24, at the age of 84. So who is Rose? Rewind to April 2011, I had…
Let me set the scene: I currently live somewhere between gratitude and sheer anxiety and terror. My to-do list is light years long and it is completely trumped by my fear over what may or may not happen to my children. I mean, can you blame me? Within a year, my daughter has spent more time in the hospital than my entire family combined ever has. We have a scan this Friday, but of course, it is not an in…
To my dearest friend and fellow anxious mom: I hear you. I feel your anxiety about leaving your babies for the first time. I’m right there with you. You should be thrilled for this vacation and adult getaway, but instead you are riddled with anxiety about the one day of water activities. Rather than find joy in sunshine and friends your mind is wrapped in worry about the body you walk in. The body that bore your two beautiful children and…
“You’re child has cancer.” 49 days later… “Marjorie no longer needs chemo.” Within a seven week period, the rug was ripped out from under my feet and shoved back under just as quickly. My head hasn’t stopped spinning and my heart hasn’t slowed. My emotions go from wandering thoughts about nothing to anger to snuggles with my babies to tears of sadness and grief to laughter with friends. Some days I feel back to my old self. I am starting…