Never thought I would be writing another blog from an ambulance, but once again my world is crashing around me. The doctor came into Marjorie’s hospital room and said two words no parent ever wants to hear. “…a mass.” We began the day at the doctor hoping her prognosis and reason behind her stomach distention was constipation or gas. We are ending the day with an ambulance ride to Wolfson Hospital in Jacksonville. I don’t know what is to come.…
To my beloved children, I prayed for you for years and now I don’t remember a world without you. My heart bursts with gratitude that God picked me to be your mother. Motherhood is the messiest, most stressful and life changing gift, not a job, but a gift that I cherish. Thank you for teaching me how to love with my whole heart and soul. Thank you for giving me your love, snuggles, giggles and kisses. Thank you for showing…
My husband called me today to say his afternoon lesson cancelled. “Let’s take the kids to the beach today,” he said on the phone. I excitedly agreed and started gathering beach (and baby) essentials: swim trunks, towels, diapers, bottles, sunscreen and of course MY bathing suit. As I grabbed my bikini from the drawer and smiled. Sometimes it is still hard to believe this is my life. I don’t hesitate to say yes to the beach or lunch or anything…
Yesterday, I took my daughter to church for the first time to see (or rather to sleep through) her sweet friend’s baptism. At the party afterwards I found myself choking back tears as I watched family friends parading Marjorie around. We were out of the house and doing something normal. I was finally able to freely share my precious daughter without constant fear or chasing people with Purel. The pieces of me that were once so shattered and pulled in…
Today I went on a run. A seemingly simple sunset run, but my mind started turning as soon as my feet hit the pavement. Since exercise addiction was a big part of my eating disorder, my ability to move my body without the pressure of ‘burning this’ or ‘losing that’ still astounds me. Every day for the last two and a half months I have spent three hours in the car and countless hours sitting at my daughter’s bedside. When…
December 14, 2010, a day that forever changed my life and ultimately prepared me for what life had in store. Fours years ago I would have never guessed that my eating disorder would be the greatest gift in what would ultimately become the most traumatic time in my life. This year my world suddenly and drastically changed on September 29. At just 25-weeks pregnant, I ruptured and began leaking amniotic fluid. Ten days later, my daughter was born weighing only 1-pound, 15-ounces. My…
God winks are what happens when the stars align and something impossible suddenly becomes possible. That happened today and the result was well, spectacular. From October until late spring, the NICU has a strict policy on visitors: parents and grandparents ONLY. Its purpose is to keep babies safe during flu season. Tuesday night I got a call from a friend in Baton Rouge. Jennifer is an insanely talented photographer who has taken gorgeous pictures of Manning and my family. She…
Today I did the arduous chore of cleaning my closet. I’m not just talking about hanging a few fallen shirts and pants. I mean unpacking bags from the hospital to sorting through summer and winter clothes. And in the midst of the closet chaos lay the reason I had put off this chore: my maternity clothes. Two weeks ago as I was leaving the NICU, I passed empty storefront windows that clearly beamed my reflection back at me. I stopped and stared.…
Marjorie Mims Dempsey took the world and our hearts by storm two weeks ago. In just fourteen days she has taught me countless life lessons. She has inspired so many of us with her feisty spirit and small but mighty attitude. So on her fourteenth day of life, I think it is fitting to jot down fourteen of my favorite lessons from Miraculous Marjorie: Your Weight Does Not Define You. Obviously, this is a motto I’m very familiar and fond…
Today I kissed my baby girl goodbye through her plexiglass incubator. My heart shattered. Jordan reminded me that I would be right back the next day, but that did little to ease the massive ache in my heart. I was leaving the hospital. She was not. And that was not fair. Every where I turned there seemed to be another reminder. As I walked down with my nurse, Amy, to the car, a newborn photographer rolled passed us. As I climbed…