The purple pen dotted my sternum, top to bottom, side to side. In a small mirror leaning on the counter in front of me, I watched as the doctor’s hand moved across my chest. I felt numb. Dot…dot…dot…line…line…. My gaze went from the small, handheld mirror holding my reflection to the blank ceiling above not wanting to see reality. My kneecaps shook with anxiety. My mom sat in the chair behind me. The room silent, but her presence calmed my…
December 14, 2010 I woke up alone in a hotel room scared of the day ahead – scared of recovery, scared of the unknown and scared to let go of my eating disorder. In just a few hours I would admit myself to residential treatment at the Carolina House for my eating disorder. In the weeks leading up to this moment, fear crept through my veins, leaving me in a constant state of panic numbed by my eating disorder –…
Today is my 39th birthday. And I’m spending it in the hospital. With Marjorie. Again. A seemingly innocent cold once again turned to pneumonia. Thankfully, she actually showed signs this time giving me time to act before completely cratering like last time, resulting in five days in the PICU. A few days ago I noticed she had a runny nose. Nothing else. Then a cough started, but nothing alarming. And yesterday, I noticed her breath pulling from her abdomen, a…
Whether you are getting your yearly OB check, mammogram or plastic surgery consult, standing naked in front of a stranger is not for the faint of heart. This time was no exception. As I stood topless in front of a man I just met, I looked as far away as I could as the plastic surgeon precisely measured, lifted and examined my breasts. I thought about making small talk and decided against it, keeping my gaze fixed on the ceiling.…
I looked around the waiting room, letting the sights, sounds and my reality sink in. Women well over 70-years old bustling around in the same pink robe as me – some waiting for their turn, others finishing their mammograms. I am well aware I am nearing the age of mammograms, but the reality of ‘why’ I was there hit me like a ton of bricks. “Dempsey!” I jumped as I heard my name called by a woman in scrubs. She…
“Hi, McCall. I’m calling with your genetic results.” “Yes, go ahead,” I said into the phone. “You have tested positive for the CHEK2 genetic mutation. As we discussed, this increases your risk of breast cancer 40-percent, as well as an increases your risk for colon and thyroid cancer.” I listened numbly as she continued with screening protocols and the urge to start them right away. Words like MRI, colonoscopy and prophylactic double mastectomy buzzed through my ears. I…
After months of barely floating above water, I am finally finding my footing on life’s uneven shores. Last week I had a therapy session, and as much as I adore my therapist, I was simply not ‘in the mood’ to go. The appointment was at 2pm and I was having a really productive day in my office – a rarity since my kids are with me all.day.long. Nonetheless, I pulled into the parking lot and thought to myself, ‘I don’t…
You know that cliche saying, “Heaven got a little brighter” or “Our world got a bit darker today”? Well those are the only things I can come up with. Because they are true. This afternoon our sweet Claire went to heaven after a 24-year battle with Cystic Fibrosis. I always say the Jumonville family aren’t “like” family to me – they are family. And Claire, just like her big sister Kendall and twin brother, Ben, are my little siblings. I…
Wednesday, May 27, 2015 “Your daughter has cancer.” What happened next I do not know. My world stopped. My heart shattered into a million pieces… and the hollow crept in. Five years ago today, my life came to a screeching halt as cancer came crashing in. In the early morning hours after Marjorie’s cancer diagnosis, I awoke on the hospital’s stiff pleather couch, tears rolling down my face. I vividly dreamt the day before was just a nightmare that I…