The cold dirt slid through my finger tips as the frigid wet ground soaked through my jeans. I wrapped my arm around my mom and leaned my body into hers. She leaned right back into me and together, we held each other up. It had only been a day since we laid GaGa to rest and I all I wanted was to melt into the ground withher. Now, days later, I feel very much the same. The world seems like…
As many of you know, my beloved GaGa passed away yesterday morning in her sleep. Today has been harder than yesterday. I have picked up my phone countless times to call her. Today, I wrote the most difficult and most important thing in my life. I wrote my best friend’s obituary. It has been a shock to my system to see her name listed under the word ‘Obituary’. I’ll never do her life justice, but I did my best. Thank you…
When I was little, I would sit in GaGa’s rocking chair, cuddling up as close as I could next to her. Everyone called me her velcro baby. Gaga would scratch my back and stroke my hair while I curled up next to her. When I no longer fit in her chair, I would sit at her feet. Again, she would stroke my hair as we watched tv or chatted about anything and everything. Now at 36-years old, I still have…
Years ago, I wrote about my desire to schedule mortality. If God could just send me a time frame of life that would be great. I could be prepared and “ready” for life’s losses and spare my heart the ache. Of course, life doesn’t work like that. So today I find myself on a plane, once again dreaming about scheduling life…and death. My best friend and grandmother, GaGa, is sick. It is a cold, but at 94, colds are anything…
It is January 3rd and I have seen approximately 389,876 weight loss ads. My inner scale smasher cringes every time I see Oprah dancing in her kitchen eating ‘freestyle’ tacos. So here is my PSA to all of you: changing your body will not change who YOU inherently are. We come in ALL shapes and sizes. We aren’t meant to be a size perfect – trust me, I nearly killed myself for that perfect body. And we cannot exist and live…
The end of the year has become synonymous with Instagram’s ‘Top Nine’. Your Top nine most liked photos of the year. It is a fun and quick way for a year in review. I, being the social media nerd that I am, do it every year. As usual, my Top Nine popped up some of my favorite pictures of my favorite people and moments. Cancer free scan posts, tenth wedding anniversary, puppy Elsa, garbage worker kindness and body love –…
Today my morning went a little something like this… 5:30am Alarm, pre-dawn emails and work to do’s 7:00am Tiny humans wake up, morning Hunger Games begin (insert another cup of coffee) As I extracted yet another foreign object from our new puppy’s mouth, asked Manning for the 34th time to brush his teeth and chased a naked Marjorie, I laughed at how chaotic and amazing life is today. You see, seven years ago, the morning of December 14th was different,…
WOW. That is all I can say. My phone and social media completely blew up following my last post. It’s amazing what happens when we put our heart out there and share our struggles. Here are just a few of the extraordinary messages I received: “i just read your most recent blog post and it hit me like bricks. i could feel myself experiencing what you described and i related so much. i’ve been feeling really alone lately and your…
For the last six years, my blog has been my journal, my sanctuary and place to heal. Blogging became my therapeutic outlet. I didn’t care who, if anyone, read it. Blogging was simply about shining light on my life – the good, the bad and the imperfect. I haven’t logged on over three months – the longest writing hiatus I’ve taken since starting the blog. This summer I shut down my blog and went back to the OG writing tool…
This morning the girls found my nail polish bin. Amelié, my niece, picked out a hot pink and gave it to me. I sat her on the floor and began painting her nails. Marjorie followed suit with a bright yellow colored polish. Manning came in and asked what we were doing. I told him we were having a mani party. He pensively thought for a moment and then asked if boys could wear nail polish. “Of course they can!” I…